4 Ways Experts Navigate Making Design Decisions With a Partner

Moving in with a partner has so many benefits. It’s exciting! It’s fun! It’s an opportunity to make a new space a home with the person you love! But at the same time, it also means melding two design styles, two opinions, and two homes full of furniture that may be dramatically different. And that can be complicated, to say the least.

You think your partner’s beloved concert posters would be better suited to a bar bathroom, while they think your affinity for leopard print is reminiscent of their great aunt — in the 80s. So how do real people make it work?

As someone who’s been an avid amateur designer since I first discovered my mom’s tattered issues of Better Homes and Gardens and spent hours sketching floor plans, I always assumed my future partner would simply fall into line with my ideas. 

Not so much. My husband came to the table with strong opinions, including brass (hates it), black (where’s the color?), and animal print (yes, that one feels personal). He also had no less than 30 framed family heirlooms that weren’t going anywhere, while I wasn’t parting with my grandmother’s midcentury Windsor chairs or my giant brass vintage coffee table.  

But we managed to find common ground. He prefers modern silhouettes, while I love eclectic and antique — but we can equally appreciate the opposing styles. He’s discovered he does like ornate gold frames, which allows me to bring in my preferred metallic. We are both drawn to chinoiserie-inspired vintage pieces, so we’ve introduced those throughout our home. I incorporated every single one of his framed family heirlooms into a gallery wall in our 24-foot-long hallway, yet I added in a number of pieces that caught my eye. And, while he’s always asking why we can’t have more color in our home, he did find himself inspired after seeing dark spaces in a North Carolina hotel and agreed to paint our office a navy-black shade. 

It’s a process that works for us, but every couple finds their design footing in their own way. I talked to two designers about their firsthand experience helping partners navigate design decisions, and these are their four tips for coming out stronger on the other side.

“We encourage juxtaposing styles to achieve balance through contrasts,” says designer Jaclyn Genovese of Spaces By JacFlash, explaining an approach similar to mine. She believes couples should start with a clean slate. In some cases that could mean moving into a completely new space, while for others, that can be accomplished by taking everything that is currently on the wall or in a room out, and putting it back together. 

Genovese recommends opting for modern furniture so each person can bring in their unique accents and explains, “Sleek furnishings allow for the couple to add in antique accents that’ll feel coherent without making the space too dated.”

But even when you can’t agree on the style of furniture or decorative items in your home, there’s still hope: Start by agreeing on one color and go from there. “Find common ground in a color scheme or use a neutral palette to create a calm and timeless canvas that helps varying furniture styles seamlessly flow from one piece to the next,” says Genovese. “Some of the most charming spaces incorporate a mix of old and new styles.”

Ashley Grech of Thirteen Oak Interior Design Studio takes a talk-it-out approach to working with couples who may be clashing over design. She explains that addressing each person’s needs is critical, and different design styles are more common than not. “It’s very normal for us to step into a counseling role,” she says. “Listen and hear each partner and help reach some type of common ground with a clear design direction.”

Both partners need to come to the table with their goals for the space and how they envision using the space together, separately, and with a group. Grech says, “It’s interesting to hear each partner’s take and usually after we discuss further we find some commonalities that each person didn’t know existed.”

Beyond finding the design peace treaty, Grech is also a huge fan of using heirlooms. If something is important enough for your partner to make a case for why they want it in their home, then it’s worth hearing them out. “We love heirlooms and we love them even more when our clients are incredibly passionate about using them,” Grech says. “If it’s something sentimental, most partners can agree on a special place in the home for the piece.” 

However, she realizes there are cases where both parties can’t reach reconciliation on a beloved lounge chair or a vibrant vintage vase. In those instances, Grech says, “If none of that works, roshambo is a great way to settle it!”