My Mom’s “Fire Drill Cake” Method Makes Everything in Life Easier (Even Chores!)

My oldest sister, Summer, who is eight years my senior, is on the autism spectrum. She was diagnosed when she was 3, in 1983. My parents were living away from family in San Francisco — they were young, struggling financially, newlywed, new parents, and now facing a condition that, at this point in the early 1980s, they were told was bleak.

When I was growing up, my family did things I always assumed everyone else did. At birthdays, yes, the birthday person got most of the presents, but everyone got one wrapped gift. We always named characters in video games after monsters so that when they died, there weren’t emotional meltdowns. (“Dracula died of dysentery! Yay!”) We made T-shirts to celebrate the first day of every new school year, all the way to college, when my mom then made the shirts into a quilt for our dorm or apartment.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized not every family had these routines — they were ways of managing my sister’s triggers. My mother, relentlessly creative and deprived of resources for autism at the time, came up with some of her own strategies. And without realizing it, these ways of coping with everyday life have stuck with me all the way into my adult life, including my mom’s “fire drill cake” method. 

“I tried to put a positive frame around negative challenges,” my mom tells me when I ask how she first came up with these coping mechanisms. She noticed what would trigger Summer (like seeing someone else enjoy a birthday party, having loved ones die in a video game, or starting a new year of school) and came up with ways to put a positive spin on them. 

We turned the week of standardized testing into spa week at our house, complete with luxurious baths and gourmet home-cooked breakfasts. Summer had trouble making friends, so my mom drew comics about her and her classmates on her lunch bag so kids would want to come sit with her and read the comic for the day. 

One of the most classic examples, though, was that whenever there was a safety drill at school (not only a disruption of routine but also one that had loud noises and flashing lights — all big triggers for many people with autism), my mom would make a quick and easy cake that she dubbed “Fire Drill Cake.” She always had the ingredients on hand, so when Summer came home from school, obviously distraught, and said they had a fire drill, my mom would cheer, “Yeah! Time for Fire Drill Cake!”

In hindsight, I can recognize these all as examples of habit stacking, which is the practice of encouraging a harder habit by pairing it with an easier one. Because I saw this example all throughout my childhood, it became a go-to strategy. Didn’t want to do homework? I’d have some snacks and turn on relaxing music to help me out. Didn’t feel like cleaning my room? I’d turn on the TV and watch while I decluttered. Had a stressful test coming up? I’d make sure to have a relaxing morning beforehand and a reward planned for after.

This method helped me understand that difficult things were going to happen. I couldn’t stop them, but I could change how I reacted to them. And seeing how my parents chose not to stop Summer’s triggers but instead help her move through them and reward her for handling them well taught me invaluable lessons in awareness, patience, and compassion for everyone around me. 

Now I have a family of my own, and I still use the “Fire Drill Cake” method in my life all the time. When my oldest daughter was about 3, she was really scared of thunderstorms, so we had a rule that if she heard thunder, that meant Storm Cookies. (It’s an easy, no-bake cookie recipe with ingredients that I make sure to keep on hand — just like my mom did.) 

I don’t just use it for my kids, though. I lean on this “spoonful of sugar” mentality for many parts of my own daily adult life, too. I still use vacuuming as an excuse to listen to my hard rock music on full blast in my headphones. I also incentivize myself to fold laundry by doing it while watching YouTube, and I listen to podcasts while I cook.

When I do my taxes, I’ll be sure to keep some chocolates close at hand. And at the end of a stressful day, I often reward myself with a drumming session or by playing one of my favorite video games.

If you’re thinking of incorporating some of these methods into your own life, you first need to identify daily tasks or events that are a source of stress or anxiety: meetings, chores, menial tasks, daunting projects, deadlines, etc. Then you can ask yourself, Is there something I can change to make this activity more palatable? Can I prepare for it in any way? Can I reward myself for completing it? Here are some examples.

• Got a presentation at work? Try a relaxing nighttime routine the evening before and relish a nice, slow breakfast the morning of.
• Have you needed to clean out your fridge for months now? Use this chore as a chance to download a new audiobook and enjoy.
• Had an emotionally exhausting day? Use it as an excuse to order your favorite takeout or whip up an easy-to-assemble comfort meal. 
• Got a big test coming up? Cuddle up with your pet while studying.
• Have a deadline coming up at the end of the week? Plan a self-care night for the moment after you’ve hit “submit.” 
• Dreading doing your taxes? Put on your favorite fuzzy slippers, light a nice-smelling candle, and treat yourself to a fancy coffee to make the process a little easier.

The best part of my mom’s “Fire Drill Cake” method is how adaptable it is. It’s a way of making the hard parts of life a little softer, and I love using it not just for my children and myself, but for other people, too. If you see someone in your life struggling, you can offer to treat them to something, help them prepare for a difficult moment coming up, or just be with them as they’re going through it.