I Bought a House With My In-Laws, and Here’s What Happened
Earlier this year, my husband and I bought a house with an in-law suite upstairs so that my in-laws could move in with us. My husband is an only child, and with him living in Chicago and his parents in Florida, any potential medical issue became a major cause of stress. He couldn’t uproot his life and job here to move back to his parents’ home. But they are retired — so up to Chicago they came. In the few months we’ve been living as a family unit, we’ve happened upon a few rules to make life easier for all of us. Here’s how to make living with in-laws possible.
Set boundaries.
The first time your parents walk into your home unannounced is fine; the seventh and eighth time? That’s a bit of a problem. The first rule I required when we all moved in is that you have to knock if you’re going into the other person’s space. Our time in our homes is private, and no one wants to be ambushed by something they weren’t expecting. Plus, my husband and I both work from home and can’t afford to have calls interrupted unexpectedly. We follow the same rule, too! My in-laws have one of my most favorite dogs, and even though I want to head up and play with her all the time, I have to respect the rules.
Assign laundry days.
Although my in-laws have their own apartment upstairs, we share a laundry room in the basement. I’m terrible with laundry. I let it pile up forever until I have to spend the whole day doing it, and I routinely forget that I have clothes in the washer and dryer. So to make things easier on everyone, I suggested assigned laundry days. That way, I’m motivated to get all my stuff out of the machines and not to wait so long to do laundry. And then my in-laws will never have to experience what many dorm-mates did when I was in college: Piling up my wet clothes (that I have to wash again) on the table because I forgot they were there. (I’ll be honest, though; this rule might not stick. At first we assigned specific days, but now it’s become one of us saying to the other “I’m doing laundry tomorrow” instead of following the schedule. We’ll see how it goes.)
Plan (intentional) shared time.
Of all the rules we’ve put in place, I think this one is the most important. About two weeks after we all moved in, I realized we hadn’t seen much of my in-laws. We were busy with work and getting our home set up; they were busy with making a new life for themselves in a different state and also setting up their home. So instead of just living our lives separately but in the same house, we decided to plan some time to spend together. Whether that’s having a monthly dinner or them joining us on a grocery run, we make sure that quality time doesn’t suffer because of daily circumstances. Maintaining (and growing!) the connection between us all is incredibly important.
Split home costs.
From a purely financial standpoint, we would not have been able to afford this home if my in-laws hadn’t been able to pay some sort of rent. I’ve always been extremely family-oriented, so it pains me to do this, but we all need to chip in to keep up with house costs. So, my in-laws pay a third of the mortgage and a third of the utility costs, and my husband and I pay the rest. I hope that one day this can change and they can live with us at no cost, but Chicago isn’t exactly cheap — especially when you live in “the hot new neighborhood,” which we apparently do.
Designate storage space.
Merging two homes means merging two families’ worth of storage. The two-bedroom apartment my husband and I moved out of had no storage space, so we had to keep things piled up along the wall or in our cars. My in-laws had a storage unit in Florida. We have a basement in the house, but we want to use most of it for a living space — a gym, a writing/craft room, and a rec room where the groovy basement bar is.
That left us with three storage spaces for all of our things. During the move-in process, we realized that my in-laws had a lot more things than what we planned for, so my husband discussed with them where in the basement they could put their things, and where we would put ours. This way, we each have allocated space and we know where to look when we need something, rather than sifting through everybody’s things.
Overall, living with my in-laws has been a great experience. I love getting to spend more time with them and it makes me happy to see my husband get ample quality time with his parents. Just remember, if you end up in the same situation as us, creating rules will save everyone a lot of headaches.